back homeInner Musings | Saturday, May 26, 2001
Situation has righted itself. I spent all of Friday in a state of torture. And Emre picked up the vibes (actually, I think he read a note of mine) and abruptly ended things. It was weirdness in weirdness. Maybe he'd been going through the same things? Who knows. Maybe it's a "dump her before she dumps me" thing. (Be still, my ego.) Whatever it is/was, we're now through, and friends intact no less. Since he did the ending, he's the one who'll be nice to me. How odd. I am relieved, for all you skeptics out there. I love him to death, but the timing was not right. I'm refusing commitment for a while. Speaking of Germans, me, Boell, Britta, Inger, and John all went down the the Pike Place Market today. After that, it was the Folk Life Festival, and around patchy bits of downtown Seattle for the girls (particularly Urban Outfitters, the damn coolest store EVER,) along with a trip to Tower Records for Boell. We finished the day off with a trip to Baskin and Robbins. Germans are just as freaky as Americans. My good friend Boell has a T-shirt of humping lions. It was very artistic. I complimented him on it before I got a real close look, and then shrieked in delighted disgust. Such is the conflict of sex and culture. Alas. I'm really quite jealous of the German education. I wish I had philosophy crammed down my throat during the tenderfooted 5th grade. Would have done me a WORLD of good, you know. I think Boell might have taken a shining to me, but they're very reserved with that sort of thing...Boell and I were discussing this. Some fuck-offs in my grade were describing a "date" to him, and what that entails. He said to me, "So a guy and a girl cannot just enjoy each other's company without...all this other stuff?" We're going to hang out tonight. He did say that I looked "nice" this morning when I picked him up. (It was the first thing out of his mouth.) And we've exchanged e-mail addresses, etc. He'll be here for another week, so we can hang out then. It'll be suave. The Germans really have figured out the dating system. If only it could be that way. I could regulate on Alex W., Wesley, and Kieran. Who knows. We'll see. Peace, world. (12:21 AM Had a fun night with Boell. He's really a cool guy. I finally saw American Beauty, one of the coolest fucking movies EVER. I strongly, strongly recommend it. And having a German guy to watch it with was really cool. My life is messed up. Oh well. I want a video camera and strong, detached attitude. Fluffy butternog and kittens. Good night.)
Anemone Ra
6:35 PM
Thursday, May 24, 2001
I am frustrated. I'm in a relationship that I don't want to be in. I like the guy, but I cannot fathom sticking the summer out. Think torture. There's another guy who's interested in me, and I'm curious about that. Thing is, I lack the balls to do anything about my situation. Therefore, I am miserable, and it's entirely my fault. Emre leaves for Germany this summer, so I may have to wait it out and play on that. Alex W., my ex-seventh-grade-two-day-conquest-has been sending signals so strong I'm surprised there haven't been more car accidents around these parts. And while he's a cocky little bastard like the rest of them, he's very good-looking and extremely sweet to me. We'll see how long that lasts. Curious ponderance: he knows that I'm taken. So he's playing the devil's hand. How evil and attractive. Speaking of distractions, I got on really well with this one exchange student from Germany, ironically. His name is Boell and he likes rap music, including my favorite German rap groups (!) Creutzfeld und Jakob and Plattenpaptz. It's a small world, folks. He has glasses and is fairly random, but I like him. I'm taking him, John, and two exchange girls, Britta and Inger down to the Seattle Center this Saturday for the folklife festival. I hope they like hippies and hairy armpits. Simultaneously. Speaking of hairy armpits. Jordan and I had an interesting little snafu these past days. He thinks I'm still interested in him, and didn't want me riding in the car with him and his new girlfriend to the state track meet, which would save me exactly ten dollars in gas money. I was pretty pissed. I said, "You're treating me like an ex-girlfriend and not at all like the close friend I'm supposed to be." Then he pretty much tells me that he thinks I'm still trying to win him back, which is awkward and embarassing. Little wide of the mark too. Sure. I have regrets. I have nostalgia. But he was practically accusing me of sabotage. Anyways. Half of me wants him to be happy, then we can be friends, no sweat. The other half is violent, and slightly irritated at this minor infraction of the friendship rules. That half is currently out slaughtering puppies and children in the daisy fields. I'm currently trying to decide what the hell is up with these three things: 1)obnoxiously unstable mental ability Yeah. Sleep on that one. I'll be around.
Anemone Ra
8:29 PM
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