you asked me what was going on, and since i can't sleep (spent too much time sleeping this weekend) i'm going to tell you. i suggest backing away now if you don't want to die of boredom. i always think my life is so amazing, well at least i think it is, but when i recount it, it seems rather mundane. oh well, i've always found the ordinary extraordinary, so maybe it's just me. i've been finishing school. the whole graduation thing is completely blown out of proportion. there are girls who have been contesting over who is wearing what colour and what style of dress etc. so they don't "clash" when it comes to graduation. some of the best clashing comes from the expression on their faces when i tell them what i'm wearing: a white freshjive shirt with blue and orange peacokcs on it, and some khaki green skateboarder pants. they believe that this is absolutely awful and say i should wear a tux. i say "nerf." melissa dumped me 2.5 weeks before grad and so i was left high and dry with nobody to go to the grand march, or the prom etc. etc. with, so i had to find someone else in a tiff. this could have been a good situation when i recap on it because now i get to go with vivian, a young, spry, extremely smart, talented and beautiful girl i've fallen for. she's only 16 years old, and some have said i'm "robbing the cradel" on this one, but i say nerf to them. anywho, viv is wearing a bright orange dress (to match my peacocks) which is very informal also (some low-cut diddy) and i'm contented with the situation. but still a little chocked over the melissa thing. stupid girls. heartbreak man, heartbreak. women make me suffer too much. why the hell do women always end up being so damn mean, when i am always so damn open minded and nice about everything?? i suppose this incident is what spurred my questioning you about my personality and so on tonight because i was having that post-breakup sense of self destruction that i imagine all of us teenagers have run into at some time or another.

i've been slumping around lately. i haven't been getting any excersize, eating terribly, and delving into a world of lonerism and drugs. i swear a lot, and i've virtually stopped reading. i was reading "the strawberry statemen: notes of a college revolutionary" by...? i can't remeber who, but endorsed by kurt vhonneghat jr. i've been taking more pictures in the last week, which makes me happy because for a very, long, long while i've had no creative inspiration whatsoever. but i think tonight i've had my final dose of this slump, and tomorrow i shall go for a jog, eat something whole-wheat, kiss my mom and skip to school. or at least to my bus-stop because i live an hour drive on the highway from my school, and skipping that far would be about as much fun as falling off a bike.

the days seem long at school now. i am so close to being finished that my attention span is about 30 seconds at best, before i lull off into some dreamscape that involves me, a beautiful woman, and travelling around the globe talking philosophy and drinking exotic teas. i have been accepted to work in alberta after grad. i get to live in a camp up north with a bunch of old rednecks doing brut manual labour for $19.50 an hour. at first i was really not stoked on this situation at all. in fact, i felt like the situation was me standing with my legs spread and having the whole itallian soccer team come up and kick me in the pants, but then i epiphonated: i might as well use this time i'm working wisely, yes? i took the stance existentially (which as you know is how i handle most matters, beit philisophic or otherwise) and realised, i am going to spend that time there, so why not make an experience out of it?? the more i climbed up the existential tree, the more content i was with working with an entirely different group of people with an entirely different set of ideas than what i'm used to growing up in a small mountainous village with a bunch of hippies and draft dodgers from the states during war-time vietnam. so after i leapped that hurdle, there was only one majour stride left to take: my photography. i mean, what the hell is there to take pictures of in alberta?? it's flat, and really boring. i complained about this hurdle nightly to a set of parents that were born and raised there. one day they stopped at a garage sale (as they frequently do) and for $1 bought a book titled "alberta: a collection of professional photography from canada's most beautiful province." in this book i have found some of the most amazing work to date. so, the final hurdle was leapped, hoo-rah!!

i have decided the free love ideal that i spoke of before is still a great one, but i've tired myself of one night stands and two day flings. i want sustenance! i surely thought that the melissa thing woul put a damper on my relationship idea, but we were pretty cas anyway. it was like, we were together, but we still kinda did our own thing with other people (it was mutual!). but now i think i'm ready for another long-term thing. like i had before with hilary, only this time i'd be the best damn long-term boyfriend in the universe! all i ave to do is find someone i like, and someone who can handle having a boyfriend that is undergoing some changes right now. maybe that's why i want somebody?? but yeah, i feel confident in that department. seattle boys got you down?? there's eligibility up here ya know?? speaking of american girls i like, my friend whom of which i was enamoured with for a very long time that moved to LA has recently gotten in contact with me again. her name is michal and we've been phoning and writing each other frequently. i was happy to get a letter today that ended with:

"I'm so glad we've gotten in touch with each other again. I'm being a camp counselour this summer in alberta, we should get together sometime. I miss you so incredibly much Doug, there's not many guys in this world like ya!

I miss you,
Love,
Michal"

it brightened my day. getting something like that means more to me than many things.

i was tired this weekend, and so was my friend logan, and so i slept over at his house instead of driving home because i live about an hour away and he didn't want me getting into an accident due to fatigue. so we slept together in his bed and i was retelling the events of my weekend to another guy who was like "ewww, you slept with a guy??" and i'd never really thought about it until he brought it up, and so i said "yeah, i did." and he replied, "dude, that's weird, i'd never do that" anemone, what the hell? i never even thought it was weird to sleep with a guy? what the hell?? he's a friend, and we were just sleeping! stupid repressed western american societies. we're still stuck in the goddamn victorian age! do girls sleep with other girls?? i suppose i could've slept on the couch, but there's room for 2 in the bed, why not use that space??

well, it's 12:30am, and i need to go to school tomorrow. i need rest to start a new, or rather reintigrate myself into my old, lifestyle. so kudos to you you beautiful work of art. may the hair on your toes, never fall out.

from

Mr. Right