I was absent, lost wound tight in the cavernous corridors of my undone psyche my own tissue betrayed calm thought my own muscle and membranes knotted inside my stomach the alien manifestation of a fear so great fastened inside me I bargained like the devil with myself Lucifer had nothing on me that night I prayed to a God I didn’t believe in this prayer: “if you deliver me” trouble deliver me as though I were hot with sin and I will not struggle against your hold I will give way to your stone pull I will bend from you like I never knew my own frame I felt it, a knife lowering slowly like an old man into his bed my bones whispered like the coiling of his mattress springs I’m operating under the assumption that my actions bear fruit that there is no Fate or great Destiny to kick against I wound up downtown hands in pockets, head down underneath the neon lights burning against the freezing air studying my reflection in the cold glass simple paper cutout