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Ask Dr Hemp
Past archives February 2002
(part 2).
Scroll down the page to read past questions sent to our
pot expert, Dr Hemp. Remember if you have a hemp or drugs related question
- you can e-mail Dr Hemp at [email protected].
Also, for love and sex advice you can ask the Caned In
Totnes sex agony aunt - Dr Hump. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
Why do you get
the munchies after smoking pot?
Curious,
Berk. |
Dear
Berk,
I'm sure there's a very
good medical reason why you get the munchies while smoking pot. I've heard it's
something to do with lowering your blood sugar level, but I don't really know.
Remember I'm a fake doctor who likes to get wasted on his own
prescriptions.
If it's a problem then you could always develop a speed
habit to accompany your pot smoking and you'll never want to eat another pizza
or chocolate bar again. By the way this is bad advice, ecstasy is much better
for this purpose, as it is lots more fun and less
addictive.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
How long should
I leave the banana skins in the box and do you recommend a shoe box or
something else? Maybe would it be possible for you to post a pic of the skins
before (dried) and after you scrape them.
Regards,
Steve. |
Dear
Steve,
Leave the
banana skins in a box for a few days until they are dried; a shoebox is fine
and you should leave it in a dry humid place, such as an airing cupboard. Even
better, dry them out on a radiator if possible. I'll see what I can do about a
pic, or maybe someone can send a jpeg.
If this doesn't work then I guess
you'll have to get off your lazy arse and buy some more conventional
drugs.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Mustava,
It depends if you
mean soap-bar used for bodily hygiene or the tacky gunk some unscrupulous
dealers in the UK sell. The former is preferred by even the dirtiest of
hippies.
Basically, soap-bar/ gunk is the last leftovers from cannabis
and is mixed with other things like rubber and plastic, which is then melted
down with solvents and made into rock solid 9 ounce blocks. This garbage is
sold mainly to the British and French markets by Dutch or Moroccan gangs who
find it amusing that importers are so fucking greedy they will buy the cheapest
shit available.
Never buy soap-bar unless it is for washing purposes.
Instead, set up a nice grow room that will get you and your friends wasted at
an easily affordable price.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I have been
smoking weed for about 5-6 months now my friend Brendon has been doing it for
about 3 years. His dad even smoked with him (by the way we're only 14 and 15)
and he has a nice collection of spoons, bongs, and one hitters. When I first
started smoking I barely ever coughed now whenever I hit out of this 18" bong
(when I clear it) I get this wicked cough where I can't get air but then 5
minutes later I'm ripped off my ass my question is what should I do to stop
this cough and is there really anything bad about smoking weed?
Thanks,
Matt. |
Dear
Matt,
Coughing your guts up
after smoking a bong can be quite unpleasant.
If you can afford it, try
brandy and ice in the reservoir of the bong. Make sure you breathe correctly
from the base of the diaphragm; remember to relax and not to suck too hard; try
to breathe in some air as well as smoke.
Cough mixture can help or you
could always try cooking with pot. Please send any good recipes to
[email protected] as
they are needed for our future cooking with cannabis
feature.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp.
P.S. I think your mate Brendon has a cool dad, unless of course
he's using those spoons for heroin. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I have tried pot like twice. The first time it
didn't do anything and the second time it made my stomach feel really fucked
up. Am I just smoking it wrong or is it just me?
Regards,
Jean.
P.S. Sorry if this might
seem like a stupid question. |
Dear
Jean,
You're right, it is a
stupid question and it merits a dumb question award. Well done, keep an eye out
for the postman; your soap-bar is on its way.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
First of all,
excellent site - a great help to young inexperienced potheads like myself.
I am trying to get into dealing and I have two main questions:
- How do I cover the smell? I recently got a half-ounce
of bud and my room reeked of it. I could stick to selling solids to my tightass
fuckwit friends who don't want to spend more than £5 a 'teenth, but
where's the fun in that?
- How much cheaper should I expect to get it for being
a dealer (in Bath, Bud is £12.50 a teenth, skunk £15 -
£17).
How can I persuade my friend (the same fuckwit friend
who buys my soap) that there's nothing wrong with rolling with baccy. Every
time we smoke, he insists we pipe it all or cook it all (or roll it into
chronics). What's his problem?
Thanks for the advice,
Demonfish.
P.S. Do dumb question
award winners really get an ounce of soap-bar? |
Dear
Demonfish,
There are plenty
of ways to hide the smell; if we're talking about small quantities of bud like
you have then Tupperware is the best way to store your pot. Joss sticks and air
fresheners, such as pot-pourri (excuse the pun) are also useful. If you decide
to set up a nice big grow room then you may wish to invest in an extractor fan
or ozone generator. Check out
Starlite
Systems for more information.
Your friend is right about not using
tobacco, however, he is still a fuckwit for buying soap-bar and you are a
fuckwit too for buying and selling it in the first place.
The prices you
have quoted are outrageous. Given that an ounce of skunk can be bought in the
region of £120 - £140 (less if you buy it in larger quantities),
someone is making a big profit out of the pot heads in Bath.
We here at
Caned In Totnes always recommend that people grow their own and do not
encourage anyone to waste their hard earned money on the black market. If this
is not possible then we suggest finding a nice dealer who sells top quality
cannabis at a reasonable price. As for selling soap-bar, not impressed! Send
your remaining gunk/soap-bar to the Trading Standards Agency, as describing it
as cannabis may have broken the Trade Descriptions Act. The fraud squad rather
than the drugs squad are more likely to be interested in your
operation.
Regards,
Dr Hemp.
P.S. Yes of course
Dumb Question Awardees get an ounce of soap-bar, you don't think we'd give them
anything decent do you? Also, it's easier to get past the sniffer dogs that are
trained to smell and find cannabis in the post |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I recently
moved to Totnes and I'm partial to a bit of erb. I would like to know where to
meet likeminded sorts in late 20s upwards?
Cheers and nice
site,
Jimmy. |
Dear
Jimmy,
Glad to here another
pot head has moved to Totnes, just what the town needs in my opinion.
It's not a big town and there are plenty of people and places to
purchase marijuana. In fact, according to local MP Anthony Steen, scoring bud
is easier than buying a cream tea; for once a politician was
right.
Furthermore, there is a huge range of alternative hippy-type
therapies available in Totnes at hugely inflated prices. Why not check out the
window of any health food shop in the high street? You'll be amazed at the
selection of bullshit on offer ranging from upside-down underwater nude yoga to
Feng Shui for the homeless or even Mystic Mug the famous local wanky astrologer
(there's plenty of them).
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I haven't been
smoking for long but I'm already fed up of going through all the trouble of
buying the stuff. Plus it's stupidly expensive, so I'm thinking of starting a
grow room. What is the Punishment by law of growing a cannabis plant at
home?
Regards,
Tahir
. |
Dear
Tahir,
Glad to hear you're
thinking about becoming self-sufficient. Why waste good money on expensive
cannabis when you can grow you own at a much-reduced price. In the UK, a basic
set up costs from £150 - £500 and an ounce costs approximately
£7 to grow (less in larger scale operations).
In my view there is
no punishment in growing cannabis plants at home, only fruitful rewards.
However, not all governments agree with me on this one, the risk is
entirely yours, always take sensible precautions.
This is not the case
if you're lucky enough to live in liberal places like Holland, Belgium or
Switzerland. Even here in the UK, which used to have some of the toughest drug
laws in Europe, things have lightened up (quite literally in Brixton). These
days there is very little intervention from P.C. Pot (surely that must be Plod
- Ed.) unless you're unlucky enough to be found guilty of 'cultivation with
intent to supply', but you can always fuck off to Holland before they get a
chance to cage you - nice one
Ganja Cat aka Alan
Mason.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I was just a
bit curious about people I have seen making pot yoghurt.
Might sound
silly but I was wondering if it did have any effect or it was just a waste of
their cannabis?
Also they put solids in, is this the norm for yoghurt?
Thanks a lot,
Chris. |
Dear
Chris,
Pot yoghurt is easy to
make. Grind some marijuana (use solids not grass) into some oil, gently heat it
and stir into your chosen yoghurt.
No it is not a waste of your friend's
cannabis. In fact your friend will get more ripped by this method, precisely
because there is no wastage involved, like there is when cannabis is
smoked.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
Recently, while
searching the web for info on growing opium, I read a warning posted by a
certain site, which shall remain nameless. They said that there is no such
thing as White Opium and recommended not to buy if anyone was selling the
stuff. Well, if it's not opium then what is it? I've seen many sites offering
'Persian White' opium or something similar. Are they all trying to rip me off,
or is the nameless site misinformed? I know that only you could know the
answer.
Cheers,
Holly. |
Dear
Holly,
I haven't got a
fucking clue. I'm Dr Hemp, not Dr Heroin.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
How come when I
smoke marijuana, I don't get high? I know I'm inhaling, but nothing happens.
I've tried to smoke a lot at one time just to make sure I was smoking enough,
but it didn't do anything. Is that normal?
Love,
Alyssa. |
Dear
Alyssa,
It sounds like
you've been smoking soap-bar, which would explain why you are not getting
stoned. Other than that, give it a break for a few weeks, as you might have
smoked your way back to the realms of reality.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
Wuts the deal
bro, how have you been? I just have a quick question for you dude. What would
be the best method for growing hydro indoors? I mean I've been spending about
230 for z's every week and I am sick of spending money. Can you list some steps
on how I would do it, what conditions I would have to do it under, and what
would the necessary shit I need to make this possible. I hearing rumors about
utilizing a fish tank to grow this shit do you think this is a possibility or a
hunk of shit. Please tell me the best methods.
Regards,
Lost boy. |
Dear
Lost boy,
Don't use a fish tank.
I advise you buy a proper hydro set up if you wish to grow indoors using
hydroponics. If you want to do it on the cheap then grow using bio, i.e., in
soil under lights, which is the cheaper option.
Don't worry too much
about the cost of starting a grow room, as you'll soon get a return on your
money regardless of whether you use a bio or hydro set
up.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear Dr
Hemp,
Could tell me how to make ecstasy or give me a link. To get
real ecstasy it can cost you $30 a pill, which is a hefty price to pay for such
a small pill.
If I could get that info I could bring MDMA to Georgia
for a better price. The supplies are not a problem because we have a very large
chemistry lab with all the carbon, hydrogen you could want. It even has a
little bit of nobelium. I have permission in the supplies room because I kiss
the teacher's ass.
Thanks,
Mivo. |
Dear
Mivo,
I studied the taking rather
than the production of ecstasy for my fake doctorate. I majored in LSD,
marijuana, MDMA, magic mushrooms, bikers' speed, banana skins and of course
orange peel and toothpaste. I subsequently failed the drug test and lost my job
in the city; I should have bought some products from
Test Clear.
However, I
shall try to point you in the right direction. I assume you are familiar with
the field of chemistry and know your way around a modern science lab?
Get yourself a book from
amazon.com on how to make shit hot MDMA, kiss your
teacher's ass as required so that you can raid the supplies room and reserve
the university chemistry lab in the early hours of the morning when no one else
is about. Follow the instructions in the book to the letter and make some
superb MDMA pills and/ or powder.
Please send us a free sample, but not
until you've tested them on your mates first to find out if they're any good or
not.
If they're really good, export them to Great Britain and make
yourself some money. We're the fastest pill poppers in the west and you won't
have any problem finding prospective purchasers of your chemical delights. Why
don't you ship some to the South West of England and come to one of our fine
parties in the summer. Do you DJ too? Bring some tunes and I'll get you a
set.
You may also find information on the Internet. Check out our
ecstasy links page or do a
search on google.com.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I am a 16 year
old pot-head living in North Wales. Sadly, the only way to get out of this shit
hole I call home and escape these inbred welsh cunts is to join the army. I'm
planning on joining the army in September and I was wondering if there's any
way I could carry on smoking weed and still pass the numerous drug tests.
Regards,
Pen.
P.S. As
I am only 16, I don't have a credit card and can't order stuff over the net.
Please help me stay high and still infiltrate our drug hating military. |
Dear
Pen,
I didn't realise that Wales
was quite that bad. I've always found the Welsh countryside most beautiful and
chilled, though I can understand why a 16 year old might want to venture
further a field, but the Army? There are better ways of leaving
Wales.
Why don't you do what any other self-respecting 16 year old would
do in your situation, i.e., leave home, get heavily into drugs (but not smack),
and generally have a good time.
Get into dealing if you need to support
this expensive habit; this will make you popular with the girls, but watch your
back as Tony Blair thinks tax payers' money should be spent on sending you to
prison if you do this.
If you really must join the army then you'll need
to take measures to fool the drug test they oblige all new recruits to take,
see past answers on my site for more information. Don't worry, there are
already plenty of caners in the army who obviously manage to fool these tests.
I get quite a few letters from people in the US forces asking how to pass a
drug test and I know
Test Clear help out a lot of
people seeking a military career.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
 |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I was recently
given some marijuana from a friend that had been kept in a freezer for a long
time. In fact, the bag was dated 1988! Is there any reason to avoid smoking
such old pot?
Thanks,
Cory. |
Dear
Cory,
It's probably passed
it mate; I suppose it depends on how much decent bud you have and how desperate
you are for a smoke.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear Dr
Hemp,
Could you tell my experimenting friends and myself how to use
oranges to get high properly? We tried once and decided we must have done it
wrong? Considering we were nearly sick! Ah well it's all in the name of fun
What about other household foodstuffs other than oranges, nuts and bananas?
Regards,
Kaneda. |
Dear
Kaneda,
Did you use fluoride
toothpaste? Remember this works best with red oranges.
If you were sick
on orange peel and toothpaste, you should try drinking the
detox formula needed to pass a
drugs test after participating in this particular indulgence. I can tell you
from personal experience, it's vile and made me really sick, but it does
work.
For the correct method of consumption, please refer to previous
answers on this site.
I'm sure there are psychotropic effects to be
gained from nuts; it's just that I haven't discovered them yet. I'll keep you
informed on any new household products that can get you wasted; I'd be nuts not
to.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
Hey Dr Hemp,
this is Bob I'm 14 years old and my parents just found my bowl in my room and
the deal is that my dad smokes too and they asked me who my dealer is and they
said I'm grounded till I tell them. What should I tell them because if I do
tell they will probably bail on him and this guy deals a lot and he would
probably literally kill me.
Thanks,
Bob. |
Dear
Bob,
I'm sorry your parents have
grounded you. I cannot begin to imagine how embarrassing that must be; still at
least I'm sure all your mates are having a jolly good laugh at your expense
while you're confined to your bedroom. I guess you'll have to find a better
hiding place for your smoking paraphernalia until you're old enough to leave
home.
Generally it's not a good idea to tell anyone who your dealer is,
as some people may seek revenge and turn nasty. To be honest, if your current
dealer is really the type of person you think would literally kill you, I
suggest finding a nicer dealer.
If you're Dad smokes too, I doubt he
really wants police interest in family affairs. Why don't you ask him where he
gets his from; perhaps he can sort you out? He might know where to get some
really good bud, resins and pollens (the older generation often have the best
contacts). Also ask him if he can get hold of any pills or
acid.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I am wondering
if you have ever heard of any techniques for stopping a few male flowers on an
otherwise perfectly good female? Such as putting a drop of olive oil directly
on the sac to trap the pollen or is there some effective way to remove them?
Now I know that most books suggest separating or getting rid of the
hermaphrodite plants and I realize you can pull or cut them off (although you
can stir up a lot of pollen this way). Well is this the only practical method?
Surely if you have a beautiful 90% female with a few male flowers, someone
somewhere must be using something that is effective and not throwing these
plants away. One more thing if you do cut a pollen sac off, will the plant try
harder to produce more?
Regards,
Miranda. |
Dear
Miranda,
If you have a
hermaphrodite plant that you wish to continue growing, pluck the male flowers
before they mature and pollinate the female flowers.
I've done this
before and continued to grow a hermaphrodite plant and it was a surprisingly
nice smoke. As long as you pick out the male flowers, it is possible to grow
the plant into full maturity.
Yes, that sounds like a good idea to pour
a drop of olive oil on the sac before you pluck it, as I assume this would
prevent the spread of pollen, though I've not tried this.
Of course, if
you use genuine F1 seeds you will have a greater chance of producing female
plants that don't hermaphrodite. It might be easier to start again, but this
time with better stock. Check out
www.potseeds.co.uk, if
you want to buy some quality F1 cannabis seeds.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I hang around
with some friends who smoke pot and I am someone who does not enjoy smoke. I
was wondering if you could get high putting marijuana in hot water and make a
tea out of it?
Yours sincerely,
Steve. |
Dear
Steve,
I can well understand
your problem with pot smoke, it even gets to me sometimes.
You can make
tea with cannabis (solids are better for this); I personally don't like it
much, though some people do enjoy getting high from drinking pot tea. Have you
ever seen the film 'Saving Grace'? It's a really good film, especially the bit
when two old ladies unwittingly get wasted on marijuana tea.
Your best
bet is to start cooking with cannabis. The effects take longer to come on, but
last longer and will get you more faced. Again if anyone has any good recipes,
please send them to [email protected] and
we'll publish them on the site if they're any good.
Regards,
Dr Hemp.
P.S. I've just
eaten a Safeway pizza, covered in cannabis so I'm too stoned to do any more
questions at the moment, sorry it's a bit shorter than usual, please come back
as I try to update the answers fortnightly |
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