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Ask Dr Hemp
Past archives October/ November
2002.
Scroll down the page to read past questions sent to our
pot expert, Dr Hemp. Remember if you have a hemp or drugs related question
- you can e-mail Dr Hemp at [email protected].
Also, for love and sex advice you can ask the Caned In
Totnes sex agony aunt - Dr Hump. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I am a regular
smoker of the wonderful herb and have been so for about six years now so I know
about the shitty, gaky, stinking Torquay resin that you speak of. Personally I
don't smoke resin as I can get some lovely green.
Anyway I have started
to experiment my way up the drug chain trying some different class A's etc., I
am especially interested in hallucinogens and am trying to find some Goddamn
shrooms. I went up to Dartmoor the other day, as I believe the mushroom season
is soon to be upon us, but after five hours of looking no fucking mushrooms.
Could you let me know exactly what sort of places to find them and under what
conditions, also do you think it is a little early to start picking? If so when
would be a good time to look?
Cheers,
M. Court. |
Dear
M. Court,
I'm sorry to
hear you limit your cannabis smoking to just the green stuff, not that there's
anything wrong with good bud, however, there are some brilliant solids out
there too; shitty soapbar like the stuff they sell in Scotland or Torquay has
given solids a bad name.
Totnes is very lucky to have recently been
flooded with high quality Kashmiri Twist, which I must say I've thoroughly
enjoyed smoking and I hope more comes in soon. Well done to the community
minded people who smuggled that into the country.
Good to hear you're
experimenting with class A's too, as they can be very interesting. I'm pleased
to say magic mushroom season has finally started in the UK; I went up to
Dartmoor last week after the first rain and picked around 100 Liberty Cap
mushrooms and I'm hoping for more rainfall so I can pick a couple thousand when
I go shroom hunting on the moors next week.
If you want to go shroom
hunting yourself then the best places to look are undisturbed green areas; as
you're in the UK then check out the
UK Magic Mushroom Map to
find your local shroom patch.
If you're into hallucinogens then
certainly get your hands on some decent LSD or if the occasion if right why not
try a psychedelic trip with a mescaline-containing cactus. I'm afraid you'll
have buy LSD on the black market, although you can buy plenty of legal
hallucinogens and other highs from
www.potseeds.co.uk.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Jamie,
The best way to cure your
weed is to send it to a doctor, like me, I'm a doctor so I can cure anything,
please post your harvest to me and I'll cure it for you.
If you mean
drying your weed then hang it up in a dark dry room or cupboard (preferably
with some ventilation) and leave it until it's dry (usually a week or two).
This process can be speeded up with a dehumidifier.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
My wife and I
live in London and are in our late 30's. Most of our friends (and us) are
regular dope smokers. My wife and I would like to take LSD again after a period
of several years without, so we went to Glastonbury because nobody seems to
sell it in London anymore.
We did manage to get hold of some but it was
very weak, is this because we haven't had it for a while, or because it was
crap? Do people still do acid, or has E taken over? Can you buy acid in
Amsterdam?
Regards,
Simon. |
Dear
Simon,
Luckily for you
and your wife LSD is still around, though sadly not as prevalent as it was
under Margaret Thatcher in the 1980s when I'm sure you were both taking shed
loads of it.
A shame you picked up some crappy acid in Glastonbury, you
might be better off going to Holland to get some liquid acid where it is much
easier to purchase.
Don't give up, there is still good acid in the UK,
I've had some good trips in the last few years and I'm hoping to get my hands
on some more soon; sadly I cannot take orders, this is strictly personal.
Like my previous correspondent, you may also want to try some legal
hallucinogenic highs, such as peyote, Druids Fantasy, Hawaiian Baby Woodrose
(LSA) or Morning Glory (again LSA).
Of course magic mushroom season has
just begun in the UK, so there are millions of free hallucinogenic drugs
sprouting across Britain as we speak.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I recently
received about 14 grams of a decent bud and stored it in a Tupperware container
free of moisture. A week later I opened it up and there was a white substance
resembling mould on the green. I'm not exactly sure what's going on and I'm
afraid that if I smoke any of it I'll die. Have you ever heard of this before?
Please help me out for I am a moron.
Regards,
Mr84creel. |
Dear
Mr84creel,
Whoops, it sounds like
you've got mouldy greenery; store it properly in future, it needs to breathe
whilst its curing.
Apparently, some people like to smoke mouldy bud, as
it's supposed to be stronger; though I find nice fresh weed does the job quite
sufficiently.
I'd throw it away and buy or grow some more, but you won't
die if you smoke it, well not yet anyway.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
Could you tell
me the correct and safe way, to prepare fly-agarics for consumption?
Is
it true that if you eat the stalk of the fly-agaric, it acts as a comedown if
you overdose on the caps?
Hope to hear from you,
Paul. |
Dear
Paul,
There are
several ways to prepare amanita muscaria or fly-agaric.
Traditionally
the Siberian shamans would pick fly-agaric in autumn and smoke dry them above
their fires until the Winter Solstice when they would consume them during
min-winter celebrations.
The drying process turns the toxic components
into the muscarin, which is the active hallucinogen in fly-agaric.
A
quick way to speed up the drying process is to bake them at 180 degrees Celsius
for 30 - 45 minutes, until they're shrivelled. This will also get rid of the
toxic chemicals.
About fifteen minutes after taking fly-agaric the
stimulating effects begin and you may feel happy and giggly. This stage is
followed by auditory and visual hallucinations in conjunction with the
sensation that things increase in size. The visions are said to be of
fly-agaric men who sometimes have no legs. The number of fly-agaric men seen
depends on the number of mushrooms consumed. The Yukak shamans from Western
Siberia usually take a dose of two and a half mushrooms. The two and a half
fly-agaric men run ahead of the shaman in his visionary journey and the shaman
is only able to keep up because the half man runs more slowly, looking back as
if waiting for the other half.
In parts of Scandinavia, people drink
reindeer piss, as reindeers eat fly-agaric and when it goes through their
system, the toxic chemicals are destroyed.
Finally, I'm not sure if
eating the stalks will do much good if you overdose on the caps; I think the
trick is to prepare them properly and not do too many in the first
place.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp . |
 |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I read many of
the articles on orange peels and toothpaste so I decided to try it, but on the
back of the toothpaste it says to call poison control if you swallow more than
used for brushing. Is this just trying to scare people or can I get
killed?
Thanx,
Anthony. |
Dear
Anthony,
These warnings are put
on toothpaste tubes to put people off consuming large quantities of toothpaste,
as they know full well it can get you high when mixed with orange peel.
Don't let this put you off, scoff some down, as orange peel and
toothpaste rocks and is a very good cheap hit for those without lots of
money.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I live in East
Texas and enjoyed your site. In the 60s I smoked a lot of pot and used LSD. To
make a long story short I now have cancer and have had my voice box removed
along with other things. During treatment an old friend came to see me and now
I have started my own garden. It has been 25 years since I smoked anything
(until my friend came to see me), but it sure does help and I do enjoy
it.
Now to my question. Do you waste it by making tea out of it? Or is
it better to use a water pipe? I now breath through my neck and was wondering
which way would be the best way to use without wasting it. I won't get that
much this time, but if I'm still around I intend to grow a bigger garden next
time. Do you make tea out of the buds or the leaves?
As you can tell
it's been a long time since Woodstock. I didn't make it there in the end, I
started but I just didn't get there.
Yours,
Theearl. |
Dear
Theearl,
Sorry to hear about your
cancer, especially as you gave up smoking 25 years ago, I'm pleased marijuana
can now bring you some relief, what a shame you have to do this illegally.
You can make tea with any part of the cannabis plant, but it's a bit
wasteful; you might be better off cooking with pot or investing in a
vaporiser.
The British Government are looking at permitting the
medicinal use of cannabis and they are allowing Labour Party donor GW
Pharmaceuticals to run trials of cannabis-based medicines. The problem they
have is as cannabis is a natural plant, neither it nor the oil produced from it
can be patented. They are trying to harness some of the active constituents of
cannabis, investing millions of pounds in developing unique combinations of the
cannabinoids or finding a unique means of delivering them to the body, which
would be patentable, so they can then make lots of money from selling the
drug.
In view of this, I'd stick with the real thing and if there are
any British patients out there who are in need of medicinal marijuana then give
Tony a visit at Tony's Hemp Corner. He's a top bloke and can sell you
cannabis for medicinal purposes; thankfully the police in London have got
better things to do and leave him alone, as they know he is a healer not a
dealer. If only all police were like that; shame on the police in Greater
Manchester who had Colin Davies, the medicinal marijuana campaigner, sent to
prison for three years.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I design, build
and supply a self contained hydroponics grow cabinet with CO2 etc.,
I designed the first system as a hobby for someone with MS who could not use a
grow room. Things progressed and I recently started my own company marketing
the system, which will grow most things indoors, 12 months of the
year.
Take a look would value your comments
www.medigrow.co.uk.
Recently, the Mail on Sunday,
the anti-life rag, ran a story on MS. They heard that we had supplied these
systems to people with MS and wanted to know more. They came, took photos, said
they would print an article which gave different views; in fact they printed
nothing what they said they would and they basically wiped the floor with
us.
To make it worse they filed a complaint to the police, who will soon
be calling to investigate me for incitation inciting to grow.
Could you
please explain why this government is such a shambles over the use of cannabis
for medical use? You can by seeds, buy lights, smoke if you want, but if you
grow instead of paying £140 an oz from the street to help the pain of MS,
they will persecute you and those who help you!
Do you know of anyone
who has been jailed for inciting to grow? Please have a look at our website and
tell me if you think we are major criminals?
Keep up the great work. I
suggest you run for PM, as that tosser and his sidekick Blunket have lost the
plot; or is it that they are just good friends with GW Pharmaceuticals who are
the new UK supplier of cannabis and supporter of the Labour Party?
Kind
regards,
Ron. |
Dear
Ron,
No you are most certainly
not a criminal, I think you are very brave to fly the flag for the medicinal
use of cannabis. You are helping people in pain and should be commended for
doing so, not condemned.
The good news is I've never heard of anybody
being jailed for inciting to grow and I doubt they'll prosecute you, given the
unwelcome publicity it would bring of wheelchair bound MS sufferers being
deprived of the only medicine that will help ease their pain (sorry to be so
cynical).
What a bunch of cunts they are at the Daily Mail; how mean to
lie about their intentions and then snitch you up to the police. You're in safe
hands here, as we hate the Daily Mail. Still I hope you've learned your lesson
and never again have anything to do with that pernicious
rag.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp.
P.S. I don't believe my chances of ousting Herr Blair and his
henchmen are particularly great, yet I'm sure there'll be a revolution one
day. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I know I'm going to sound like a twat, but
what exactly do I do with magic mushrooms? I heard you can eat them, but they
don't look that edible.
Regards,
Steven. |
Dear
Steven,
I'm afraid you have
ended up sounding like a bit of a twat, sorry, still at least you win a Dumb
Question Award; Torquay soapbar is on its way.
You can eat them raw or
you can brew them in tea; either will get you tripping if you do enough. The
former is legal under UK law if they have not been dried and the later is
illegal, as it's deemed as preparation. Bizarre, I
know.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
Hey man, I
don't know why you think soap bar is grotty; what's wrong with it? We smoke it
all the time in Scotland.
Cheers,
James. |
Dear
James,
I know that's
all you smoke up north you sad bastards, but I really do not want to smoke gunk
that has been mixed with all sorts of nasty things like henna, rubber, horse
tranquiller, glue, plastic, etc., and very little THC. In my book smoking
soapbar is only one step above solvent abuse; mind you, I understand you Scots
also drink Buckfast Tonic Wine, which is made near Totnes and is also
disgusting in every sense of the word.
I'll stick to my resins and
decent bud thank you very much. Why don't you northerners get into growing
quality cannabis and put an end to this evil trade in sub-standard hash
products?
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
Love the site;
keep it up! Anyway, I was wondering what the law's basis is on growing cannabis
in the UK.
I have heard from a friend it is legal to grow two plants for
personal use as long as you can prove you're not dealing (i.e., no massive
sodium lights) yet I have also heard that it is completely illegal for cannabis
plants to be grown. Help me! I need to know the facts so my Mom doesn't end
chucking my plants out of her greenhouse; and it is almost flowering
time!
Regards,
Andrew. |
Dear
Andrew,
You are not the fist
person who has written to me who hasn't a clue whether cannabis is legal or
illegal in the UK. You are not alone, as most people (including the police) in
this country do not know (or probably even care) what is the Government's
position on cannabis.
As you asked, not that it makes any difference,
cannabis is still technically illegal in the UK (under their laws), though you
cannot be arrested for possession for small amounts if you live in London and
this will apply to all people living in the UK after next June.
I think
it's most unfair that people living in Totnes or Berwick-upon-tweed can
potentially be prosecuted for smoking pot, while someone in London would not.
Nobody should ever face prosecution for smoking cannabis, no matter where they
live. Unfortunately, a very good barrister informs me there is no legal avenue
to challenge this particular criticism of 'the system' in the courts.
Now please don't worry about the wrongful illegal status of cannabis,
as this stupid law deserves to be treated with contempt, as do the corrupt
politicians that made it.
The good news about the Government's muddle on
cannabis is your mother will almost certainly not know the legal status of
cannabis in the UK either and we won't want her ripping up your lovely cannabis
plants, will we?
Tell your mother Blair has just legalised cannabis and
you can grow as many plants as you like! In fact, fuck it, tell her Blair has
legalised the lot and stock your bedroom up with plenty of LSD, speed, good
MDMA pills and powder, ketamine, coke, magic mushrooms, mescaline, DMT, opium,
orange peel and toothpaste or any other decent drugs you can get your hands on
from your local dealers. Explore the possibility of becoming a dealer yourself
once you've got well stocked up with herbs and
chemicals.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear Dr
Hemp,
I was wondering if you knew anything about the science or
reasons behind people whiteying out. We have all done it at some point of our
caning lives. The cold feeling running all over the body, the trembling, and of
course the sweating and even spewing! It happened a lot when I first started
caning, yet as I grew more tolerant the whiteys went.
Sometimes though
every now and again I get the flashback, the image creeping in, yet if you are
experienced you can control it, but for a newbie smoker it can be too
much.
Do you know many people who get this, or have you experienced
anything similar.
Peace,
Skunky Munky. |
Dear
Skunky Munky,
I know
what you mean, even I have had whities in my time, however, I do not know the
exact science behind this phenomena, so I decided to conduct an experiment on
your behalf.
I went to the Castle where I consumed 5 pints of Becks
followed by a few DVRs (double vodkas and Red Bull). I then returned home for a
hot knife session with my mates, making sure the fridge was well stocked up
with beer.
I think it was the 4th hot knife when the first
person whitied out and I don't think anybody managed to do more than 7 before
the magic roundabout started.
This is caused by lack of oxygen to the
brain and intoxication of the central nervous system (this is probably not
true, but it sounds a bit sciencey, you'll have to ask Bob for the real reason).
The conclusion of
this experiment is you can either learn your limits or learn mixing too much
alcohol with too much cannabis is a recipe for certain disaster; either that or
you're a fucking lightweight namby pamby faggot.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I've have read
nearly every page of questions on your site, which made a very interesting
day's read. I have read people's questions and opinions and thought of many
other possible answers to what they are seeking advice on. I'm not saying that
you are in anyway wrong in what you say, as you have proved you do know your
stuff, which I admire in any smoker. I think knowing what you do makes it much
more interesting to do because you understand the finer points in growing,
smoking and cooking.
I have read Mr Nice and met one of Howard Marks'
associates not far from where I live, and the topic of cannabis has always been
a hobby for me and I find the subject a very interesting/ challenging topic.
I was wondering if in anyway I could assist you on your crusade to give
advice to these non experienced smokers (no offence). When I say 'non
experienced' I mean no offence so please don't think 'who is this little punk'.
Anyway, I would say I have a lot of experience in the 'art' of smoking and I
have a great understanding on how to grow maintain and look after cannabis, I
don't want to take over your site or anything like that I would just like to
give free relevant advice to people on this subject as it is one that interest
me greatly. Please reply to me ASAP.
Regards,
Sean. |
Dear
Sean,
No, sod off! Go and set up
your own Internet site you cheeky little punk.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I recently
purchased a load of Hawaiian Baby Woodrose seeds. I enjoyed the smiling that
two brought on so I sat back with a couple of friends and spent an afternoon
enjoying five of them each.
I was wondering if you've come across any
info about concentrating the LSA (presumably by doing a water-extraction and
evaporation process), and about smoking the seeds. Nowhere have I been able to
find any info about what effect heating has on LSA. I have been told that LSD
is relatively volatile, yet I have seen references to boiling water extractions
of LSA from HWB, so I'm left unclear on how heat affects the active
compounds.
Regards,
James. |
Dear
James,
Hawaiian Baby
Woodrose seeds can be great fun, but they can too be a bit of a nightmare,
especially if you take to many or do them in the wrong conditions; I'm glad you
and your friends had a good trip, it seems they're becoming quite popular. Who
would have though such innocent looking seeds can produce a full on psychedelic
trip? It would appear the killjoys missed out on this one.
There are
extraction methods to be found on the
Erowid
Hawaiian Baby Woodrose Vault and all the chemicals needed to do this can
be legally bought over the counter.
To be honest most people don't
bother extracting the LSA. If you peel the skins off, crush them up, soak them
in water for 20 minutes or so and then drink the solution; you should find this
gets rid of the more unpleasant nauseous effects of Hawaiian Baby Woodrose
seeds.
A word of caution, don't take too many!
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
My plants have
sprouted and I want to know the fastest way to grow them so that my Mom wont
find them in my bedroom?
Regards,
Willy. |
Dear
Willy,
Unless you have an
incredibly stupid mother or have a very large closet that she never goes into,
I should think it would be very difficult to hide a few cannabis plants growing
under lights from the prying eye of your mother. Even more difficult if you
want to grow them faster, which will mean using a hydroponics set up in
addition to indoor lighting.
Until you leave home you'll have to buy
cannabis on the black market, as I suspect your mother will have a shit fit
when she finds your grow room (or the jazz mags under your
bed).
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I have been
researching this Salvia divinorum and I was curious as whether or not it's the
real deal. I have wanted to try Salvia, but I don't want to waste my
money.
What are your experiences with Salvia divinorum?
Regards,
David. |
Dear
David,
Salvia divinorum is a
very interesting and powerful hallucinogenic sage plant that is a member of the
mint family and oh yes, it does work! I hardly think thousands of web sites and
shops would be selling Salvia divinorum if it didn't work.
Some people
do not do the correct method of consumption, so they wrongly think it's crap,
yet it is one of the most powerful hallucinogenic plants known to
man.
To get the best effects, burn the Salvia leaf to a high temperature
in a pipe or bong and keep the smoke in your lungs. If you really want to
easily achieve a Salvia trip then smoke some of Salvia extract, which usually
comes in x5 and x10 strengths; this requires less smoke to inhale so it's
easier on the lungs, thought it's worth noting you can still enter Salvia land
with the regular leaf.
If you do buy the extracted form of Salvia, make
sure you buy the proper standardised Salvia extract and not the crude black
shit that sadly the majority of retailers sell. The good Salvia extract is
green in colour and has been produced using the correct extraction method,
whereas the inferior extract is a dark green (almost black) that has been
produced by soaking it in industrial solvent and then spraying it back on to
the leaf. The crude Salvia is never as strong as the standardised extract,
which is exactly 5, 7 or 10 times stronger than the regular leaf
respectively.
For more information on the Salvia extract, visit
www.potseeds.co.uk/salvia/extract.htm.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear Dr Hemp,
I'm gonna mix magic mushrooms with acid coz
nobody I don't think has ever done it. Is this a good
idea?
Regards,
Kev. |
Dear
Kev,
Yes they bloody well
have done it and there's pretty much no combination of drugs that has not been
tried before in the past. You should have a fantastic trip if you mix magic
mushrooms with LSD. For optimum enjoyment, neck a few pills and smoke a big
bong of Salvia x10. Don't have a bad one (unlikely if you take MDMA as
well).
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I'm a regular
smoker about to undertake a bit of a road trip down through Holland to Germany
(more precisely Munich - Oktoberfest). Obviously I'm going to call into the
'Dam for a bit of a warm up and I was just wondering if you knew anything about
the border controls into Germany and whether they had stop and search stations
with dogs? I'm only planning on taking a half or so purely for personal
consumption. Do you think this should be a problem?
I hope you can shed
some insight into this little quandary.
Regards
Peter.
P.S. I hope to bump
into you for a little smoke down Devon way sometime - I'm often to be found on
the beach around Linton or Salcombe generally burning one down (in the words of
Ben Harper!). |
Dear
Peter,
From my
experience, these days there are no passport or border controls on the roads
between Holland and Germany; you just drive through without stopping, unless
they have some kind of suspicion or reason to stop you.
On the trains
they will check your ticket and passport; you might also get searched, but not
often and it almost certainly won't be a vigorous search unless they're looking
for something, so hide it down your underpants wrapped in
Clingfilm.
Throughout Europe customs are only interested in finding
major drug imports; that is not to say if they catch you with a small amount of
pot this won't cause any personal inconvenience at all, so it's always good to
take precautions. The country where you're most likely to get searched is
Britain and even then they only search a few people out of several hundred
leaving a Eurostar train. I got searched coming back from Europe last year and
I wish I had smuggled some decent drugs in my underpants, as the search they
gave me was minimal.
Regards,
Dr Hemp.
P.S. Feel sure to
drop me an email next time your in Devon. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
Hello Doc. I am
seriously considering buying a peyote cactus, as I've heard it's an experience
that's unexplainable and immense. If I were to buy it from a seed how long does
it take to grow to maturity? Is it true it takes about 30 years to grow before
you can trip? How tall do they get if this is so?
Thanks,
Iain. |
Dear
Iain,
If you were to buy
peyote seeds, I'm afraid you'll have to wait at least 10 - 15 years per plant
when they are approximately 7 - 10 cm in diameter. However, if you grow a batch
then you could get a trip from around 7 peyote buttons that are 4 years old.
This is because they grow very slowly. Other factors such as soil, time of
year, and how the plant is looked after can determine how much mescaline is in
each cactus.
Peyote is an amazing sacred psychoactive plant that can
bring visions into an alternative reality. They are among the strongest
mescaline containing cacti in the world and the experience may change your
life.
The bad news is the preparation of peyote and the extraction of
mescaline is illegal in the UK; however, you can at least buy the live plants
or seeds, so you can look at them; but please do not enjoy a psychedelic
experience with these sacred plants, as our politicians know what is best and
say it's not allowed. It's for your own good you know!
If you want to
buy peyote or some seeds (for ornamental purposes of course) then check out
www.potseeds.co.uk/peyote/.
They also have Peruvian
Torch Cacti (Trichocerus Peruvianus Truxilloensis), which is another cactus
with a high mescaline content, which will look great in your greenhouse or on
your windowsill as well. These grow faster than peyote and don't cost as much
money.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I was reading a
Rolling Stones magazine the other day when I came upon an article about the
decriminalizing of marijuana in the UK and I saw a picture of a police officer
smocking a joint while in uniform.
Is this really true? Seems so far
fetched from what we're used to here in the USA.
What a cool government
you must have.
Thanks,
Swirlingstar. |
Dear
Swirlingstar,
Marijuana is
not yet legal in the UK, it's just tolerated more and many people choose to
ignore a law they think should not exist.
It's not unlikely you saw a
picture of a British policeman smoking a joint, as many members of the UK
constabulary partake in recreational drugs (some are even known to deal them);
this is why all Chief Constables in Britain refuse to introduce compulsorily
drug testing for the police, as they know full well the majority of their
officers would fail.
You are wrong to say we have a cool government in
Britain; sadly nothing could be further from the truth. We have a decidedly
uncool government led by Tony Blair who is chief licker of Bush's evil
ringpiece.
Marijuana will eventually be legalised in the UK, but I fear
not for a few years. The only way to get marijuana legalised immediately in
Britain would be if President Bush were to come out in favour of cannabis too,
and then his loyal poodle Tony would faithfully follow suit like the good
little puppy he is.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear Dr
Hemp,
Ok, here's my situation; I want to start growing my own
mushrooms, but I heard if you eat the wrong mushrooms you could get very sick
and possibly even die. Because I have no experience in which mushrooms are
lethal or not, I will not be able to tell if the ones I grow are poisonous.
My solution: go out, buy a few rats so I can feed a bit of my
home-grown mush to them and see how they react. If they survive without any
problems, the shrooms are all right. If the rats die/get sick, something must
have gone wrong. My question to you is: can I use these rats to tell if my
mushrooms are safe?
Thanks a bunch,
Andy. |
Dear
Andy,
You cruel bastard;
even if your mushrooms are hallucinogenic and not poisonous, the poor little
rat will be tripping its tits off until Christmas and will never ever feel the
same again.
I suggest identifying your mushrooms in a more humane way,
such as secretly testing them out any siblings or family members.
Go and
get a good book on mushroom identification and read the
Erowid
Psilocybin Mushroom Vault and then you should able to trip without killing
any persons (or rats).
If you're still in doubt buy a
Magic Mushroom
Grow Kit. Go for the Mexican Cubensis, as these are more vigorous and you
only need a couple to trip. You can get 3 - 5 flushes from every kit and about
25 grams of magic mushrooms from each flush.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear
Dr Hemp,
I read some of
your ask Dr Hemp articles and the one about the 14-year-old really pissed me
off. Fucks like you are the reason they don't legalise it, you're no better
then the bums who buy beer for underage kids.
You suck and you don't
know what the hell you are talking about fucking loser.
Yours,
Christopher. |
Dear
Christopher,
It's not supposed to
be a serious web site you dipshit! It's a parody of drug culture that I hope
makes a mockery of our drug laws, which I think are pointless and serve nobody
other than moralising killjoys and organised criminal gangs.
The emails
I get are all real and do you honestly think 14-year-olds smoke cannabis
because of me? I don't prescribe to the Government's policy of sweeping it
under the carpet and pretending cannabis doesn't exist in our
society.
If you want humourless biased advice then I suggest you look at
one of the Government's anti-drugs sites and not mine. There are plenty of
them.
I personally would never give pot to a 14-year-old and I certainly
wouldn't buy him or her alcohol (much worse than pot), but I still find the
letters we get from teenagers very funny. We're only publishing on the Internet
what millions of people throughout the world are doing at clubs, parties or in
their own homes anyway.
At the end of the day, if you don't think it's
funny you can always fuck off!
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear Dr
Hemp,
I want to grow some skunk (even though I'm only 15 and still
live with my parents, Jesus Christ I'm desperate for good weed!) and I'm
thinking I'm of buying an ultra violet light from my local hydro store in
Bournemouth. The problem is a lot of people say the police choppers (that
frequently go over my house at night) can detect these lights. Do you know if
they can and if they saw something do you thing they would do anything about
it?
Obviously I don't want to get busted by the police big-style for
growing it and ruin my life (perhaps an exaggeration, but I want to go to
university and smoke shit-loads).
Also, could I take the seeds out of
some nice bud I get and use those to grow my little bundles of
joy?
Thanks,
Matt. |
Dear
Matt,
Good to hear you're
going to invest in some growing equipment, that's how kids your age should be
spending their pocket money.
I'm afraid you won't be able to grow very
good cannabis from the seeds in your bud, which indecently is probably not very
good bud if it has seeds in it in the first place. Regular readers will know
I'm not a huge fan of seedy greenery, so get yourself some decent F1 seeds to
start up your grow room.
I think the police have slightly more pressing
matters for their helicopters than searching down 15-year-old pot growers. Do
you know how much those things cost to run? And Tony Blair isn't going to give
the police extra money so they can buy more choppers, as he wants to have a tax
cut before the next election, in the hope he can bribe the electorate into
voting for him again so he can stay in power.
Just be discreet, don't
tell anyone what you're up to and then you'll be a big time drug producer. I'm
sure your parents won't mind with all this extra money you'll have around,
perhaps you should pay off their mortgage.
Regards,
Dr Hemp. |
Dear Dr
Hemp,
Hey I'm 15 and I've never smoked weed before and I'm doing
this for the first time this weekend. My friend who I am doing this with has
done it before; I know nothing about weed and I don't want to feel like a dumb
ass when we do this.
Please Dr Hemp give me some
info.
Thankx,
Mandi.
|
Dear
Mandi,
I don't see why anyone
should worry about smoking cannabis; we all have to start somewhere. Smoking
cannabis for the first time can make you cough a bit, so don't be embarrassed;
in fact I've been smoking it for years and I still sometimes cough my guts
up.
If you can, get a blim and smoke it on your own so you can practise
skinning up or better still put it in a pipe and smoke it that way, as there's
no way I would encourage a teenager to smoke the evil tobacco.
Don't
breath too much smoke in and consider experimenting with other drugs too, which
can enhance your marijuana experience. I'm sure you'll grow to love it and soon
become an expert toker. Good luck and if you want to save money grow your
own.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp.
P.S. If you feel embarrassed and humiliated in front of your
friends by your lack of experience in smoking cannabis, you could always show
them how hardcore you really are by producing some tin foil and expertly chase
the dragon in front of them. |
Dear Dr
Hemp,
at the time of ritin this i am lean i am a 15 year old boy who
lives in hackney my name is tyler but when im high i like to be called chronic
antd my frend anthony is blunt man man we r stoners
anyways i need help
with stuff like wot drugs shoold i do?
where do i get them from at the
moment i only smoke weed mainly because i cant get anthing else and even that i
have to get by anymeans posible for example i have to take bits from my mum (i
no its rong) i want 2 grow it but i dont no how or where to get them from, im
sure u r going to show me a shameless link 2 a site but i dont have a credit
card any ways i have seen them for sale in camden town market but i am
suspitios that they are fony and i dont have any money to waist on shit so wot
should i by for how much and where from then, how do i grow it i dont have any
eqipment but i am quite creative and am willing to make a cleanfilm green house
if wold help please dr hemp i need your help you r my only hope if u chose to
help me i will recomend this site 2 all my stoner frends (they need help to)
but ill probly recomend the site to them any way as it kicks ass also a very
good sitew to visit is www.wellcoolstuff.com it is halarius u shold make a link
to it (see we can help each other) if i get every thing growing i will owe it
all to you!
BLUNT MAN, CHRONIC AND DR HEMP!!!!
please dr hemp
im sorry you had to read this long ass e mail but i need help thanks a
lot.
TYLER S MCDONALD AKA
CHRONIC
ps can i have a soap bar i wood think its better than
nothing also when will i get a resonse i no it will take a few days to just
read it but i need help as soon as posible peace out dr hemp!
[Editors
note: I usually tidy up the appalling English that is used in the majority of
questions sent to Dr Hemp, but I thought this was too funny to change.] |
Dear
TYLER S MCDONALD AKA
CHRONIC,
I am shocked that a 15-year-old from Hackney cannot get his
hands on some drugs; by your age you should really be into dealing and sorting
out younger kids in the years below you at your school; not asking Dr Hemp
where to score.
It's not wrong to take bits of weed from your mother, in
fact I thing you should do this more often; or even better confess to your
mother about your pot smoking and if she is a good parent she will congratulate
you and offer you some of hers.
Go to Brixton and ask any Rastafarian
gentlemen sporting dreadlocks and I'm sure they'll be able to sort you out with
a whole range of narcotics from pot to crack cocaine (yuk).
I'm afraid
you won't be able to get a credit card legally for another 3 years, as you're
only 15, so I think you should go ahead with your bright idea to buy a phoney
credit card off some dodgy looking geezer in Camden Town; treat yourself out to
a night's stay at the Ritz and ask them to hire out a high class hooker so you
can lose your virginity too; this can all of course be charged to your stolen
credit card.
Finally, I'm sure you'll be able to grow some great bud
with your Clingfilm greenhouse; I'm surprised more people don't do
it.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp. |
Dear Dr
Hemp,
I am a 9-year-old American kid and I have just tried crack
cocaine for the first time and I'm very disappointed that it was nowhere near
as good as jacking up a nice mix of ketamine and speed. What ever happened to
the quality drugs from yesteryear that my granddad fucked up on in the
sixties?
Also, Dr Hemp, do you know where I can get hold of any angel
dust (PCP), because I'm being bullied at primary school and want to beat the
shit out of Gripper Stebson.
I've been a great fan of heroin but Mr
Baxter is always giving me bollockings for falling asleep in PE when I'm
pinned, which is why I started doing amphetamines. Do you suggest any other
drugs I should experiment with at school?
I hope you don't mind me
asking these questions, but I feel you are my only hope; my teachers at school
only smoke soapbar and all I can get in the playground is glue, which although
legal, nobody should be doing shit like that at my age.
Cheers,
Zammo. |
Dear
Zammo,
It's difficult to get
hold of proper drugs at your age, as nobody will take you seriously. The drug
that fucked up your granddad in the 60's was almost certainly LSD, which is
sadly rather hard to obtain and even if you were lucky enough to find some,
you'd have to chew a whole sheet to lose it like your dear old grandpa
did.
As for the poor quality crack, you're probably not washing up your
coke properly; gently heat up some bicarbonate of soda and cocaine in a spoon;
use the bottom end of a matchstick to gather your solidified crack crystals as
the bicarbonate of soda evaporates.
Remember the smart kids use tweak,
otherwise known as crystal meth, and if you really want to get high at school
then I'd stick to injecting ketamine intramuscularly, as this gets you every
time.
If you're the class practical joker you could always sprinkle
datura seeds into your chum's sandwiches at lunch break and watch with glee as
their faces turn to horror at the vivid hallucinations of bleeding headless
torsos that appear hanging from the climbing frame in the playground.
Regards,
Dr
Hemp.
[Editors note: OK we might have made that question up.] |
|
At
last ...
Caned In Totnes hemp t-shirts.
 |
Well, we've been promising them for ages and they're finally
here.
Pot Seeds have kindly produced some Caned In Totnes t-shirts of a
marijuana leaf painted by Totnes based artist Dan Wheatley.
They also
have a fine selection of humorous hemp t-shirts and are promising more stock
soon.
|
All
t-shirts they sell are made by the UK Hemp Union and are the first and still
the best 65% Hemp T-shirts in the world. Each t-shirt weighs approximately 330g
and has a reinforced heavyweight collar and side slits on the bottom. It comes
in a natural creamy colour with a slightly open weave. All prints are done
using water based, lead free and cruelty free environmental
inks.
To keep informed about more
great hemp related products and site updates then why not join
Dr Hemp's
e-mail list. |
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